Changing the Game

The first steps I took to get out of my Long Covid funk and into healing from within.

Spring of 2022, my physical & mental health took a nose dive, and I truly believed that Covid, Long Covid, and May-Thurner Syndrome took away my health & vitality. For years I proudly told myself (and others) that fitness was my outlet to ward off anxiety & depression. Since fitness wasn't in the cards indefinitely due to my fatigue, respiratory, vascular, and neurological issues, I believed it was "game over" for the life I once knew.

One year later, I now believe that we all have access to the tools and knowledge to handle the cards we've been dealt. In fact, I believe every card dealt to us is fundamentally neutral until we assign it as positive or negative based on our beliefs, conditioning, and emotions.

"Our realities are make-believe--whatever we make ourselves believe, we experience." - Jen Sincero

Do you know somebody that flows through life, seemingly unbothered no matter what life throws their way? Do you have a co-worker, family member, or friend who thinks life is unfair and everybody sucks? Both of those types of people are simply viewing the world through their personal lens; And through that filter, life will continue providing them with example after example to reaffirm their reality.

"When people are completely focused on what's wrong and their symptoms, they will perpetuate it. The healing will not occur until they shift their attention from being sick to being well. Because that's the Law of Attraction." - Bob Doyle

Start Where You Are.

After over 12 weeks of chronic pain and fatigue, I was in a dark place, grieving my pre-Covid life. Around that time that I went to a long overdue chiropractor appointment. When I arrived, Dr. Mike asked me how I was doing, and instead of a passive "okay" or insisting I was "fine," I dove headfirst straight into realness. I admitted I was doing horribly, then proceeded to ugly cry beside his chiropractic table. He let me cry; he held my hand and reminded me that I WAS CAPABLE. At that moment, I surrendered and honestly acknowledged that my physical health and emotional wellness were far from where I wanted them to be. That was when my healing journey could begin.

Photo by Gia Oris on Unsplash

As the saying goes, "we get what we give" and last summer I was giving myself a pity party and getting sucked down deeper. Through a Mindfulness Course on PositivePsychology.com, I've learned that resistance (ignoring, numbing, suppressing) prolongs our pain, and acceptance is what propels us onward and upward. But this type of acceptance is not to be confused with resignation, indifference, or even liking our circumstances; It is a willingness to tune in to what's really happening. A neutral, zoomed-out acknowledgment of where we are, so we can let go of control, and take responsibility to FEEL AND DEAL.

It is okay to feel our emotions and to vulnerably share them in a journal or with others. And on the other end, it is important to listen and truly hear someone's pain. Looking back, that unguarded exchange was the very thing needed to propel me forward. White Claw and medical marijuana were exceptional band-aids that I used to cover my tender wounds, but they weren't getting me anywhere. What I really needed to heal was to acknowledge where I was and own it.

"The first move necessary in fixing anything is to understand what is presently not working. Know it and name it to have power over it." - Dr. Joe Dispenza

Once I realized & accepted where I was, I was able to take the next step forward. For f*ck sake, even Google Maps can't give us directions without a starting point. So there I was, in my chiropractor's office, getting honest. As fate would have it, Dr. Mike had just come back from a conference where long covid was a hot topic, and he heard promising data on a supplement (NRF2 Activator by Xymogen) that was significantly helping patients with brain fog. Up until our conversation, it didn't even occur to me that that was part of my problem...Ain't that a catch 22!? I had been having difficulty with word retrieval, writing & creativity for my part-time job---holy shit, my brain was foggy as fug!!! I couldn't think clearly enough to help myself. The brain fog needed to lift to help me navigate these uncharted waters.

"A highly developed value system is like a compass. It serves as a guide to point you in the right direction when you are lost." - Idowu Koyenikan

Support Matters!

Soon after starting the NRF2 Activator, my brain fog started to lift, and I was slowly beginning to find my way out of the weeds. Once I gained some perspective and clarity, I started having fruitful conversations with others about their experiences with Covid and Long Covid, and one particular conversation led me to a Long Covid group on Facebook. This proved to be another pivotal stop on my journey for two main reasons.

1) It gave (and continues to give) me and almost 60,000 other members a forum where we feel seen and understood without gaslighting or being disregarded.

2) I kept seeing a resounding emphasis on healing the nervous system.

I had no clue what that was all about, so I began Googling like it was my job. I researched nervous system healing and became my own advocate. I realized that my nervous system was on fire and I needed to put those fires out! I began booking appointments like it was my other job. In addition to my standard stuff...primary care, blood work, vascular and G.I. appointments, I also ventured another direction. I began incorporating acupuncture, cupping, and massage into the monthly rotation, I began the Mindfulness Course I mentioned earlier, and I joined a 10-month course container to learn about Human Design which included multiple deconditioning processes, all in an attempt to teach my body it is safe, turn off stress hormones, and begin to chill & heal.

Traditional medicine revealed that May-Thurner Syndrome, Gilbert's Syndrome, and POTS were creating serious circulation issues & fatigue, but after learning more and more about the nervous system I knew my body was stuck in fight-or-flight. It was time for me to improve my mind-body connection to really start to heal from within. Without hesitation, I created boundaries and shed everything else that wasn't serving that purpose. I was determined to heal.

What Was the Lesson of this Season?

What we do about the uncontrollable is what defines how our life unfolds. - YoungLiving.com

I was still waiting to have my stent surgery, but all the appointments, courses, and new holistic practices were helping! Accepting where I was and getting the support I needed was instrumental for my healing journey to begin. Dots were connecting, and more and more alignments and synchronicities kept ensuring me that I was on the right path.

One of my mantras was, "stay the course!" and so that's what I did. I just kept diving deeper into what I was learning. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. and Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza were blowing my mind and showing me that if we don't like the cards, we hold the power to change the entire freaking game.

I was 41 years old...

It was time to LET GO and TRUST;

And in doing so,

I was beginning to find joy and purpose with each new modality.

I found an ENERGY that was unlike any I'd ever known before;

A deep, invigorated KNOWING that was grounded in faith.

I leaned in and trusted that we're all being guided and held by the Universe.

I was finally finding peace and

despite my fatigue and physical limitations,

I felt a new kind of illumination.

An awakening.

I can't wait to delve further into these topics and continue to share what I'm learning along the way. Comment below if anything stuck out to you or if there's something specific you want to learn more about!